Having the urge to leave home super early, not to risk getting late to work.
Preparing and A, B and C plan in case something goes wrong.
Keeping conversations to the minimum because you could make a grammar or pronunciation mistake, even in your native language.
Always carry your mobile phone and headphones to look busy and prevent people from talking to you.
Listening carefully to what people say just so you don't get lost in your own mind
Family reunions are dangerous and awkward: it is extremely sad knowing you can't relax although you're with family, they're supposed to be there for you when you need them but most of the times they're just clueless fixated to the shallow image they have of who you are.
Some dark place of my mind still worries too much of wether or not he notices me. That little voice in the back of my brain keeps telling me it is important to look good and he might fall for me this time.
I wish I didn't care that much,
I with I could let go,
I wish I didn't have to see him every fucking day!
You guys wouldn't think so but in real life I hardly ever speak, but so many times I've heard "when you have nothing good to say it's better not to say anything" that I somehow got convincesd that my negativity should reain inside.
I am the definition of a selfcouncious person; I'm always worried about what people may think about me and I assume my predictions are accurate. I don't dance because I think my body looks akward when i do it, and I know I can't keep up with the beat. I don't speak because to me, my ideas sound idiotic, I don't sing because I'm "too shy" and God knows I love singing. Most of the times I was unable to socialize with classmates, co-workers and even with my own family. OF COURSE I UNDERSTOOD when he said he didn't dance and explained why. I guess he didn't see how fucking amazing he was and I wasn't in a position to tell him; NOT ANYMORE ANYWAY. I hope someday he finds the courage, I hope he finds a sexy cheerleader who would make him so happy that he forgets his fears and hit the dancefloor.